Our homes house the stories of our lives. Who we are, what we do and what’s most important to us can be found within the walls that make our home. It shelters us, protects us and keeps us safe from the outside world. It provides so much important information about the people who live, love and create their lives there which is why it’s such an essential tool in my practice with people. One of the first questions I ask a client is how they feel in their space. Not ‘do you like this wall colour?’ or ‘how about this piece of furniture?’. Those come later, the design comes after. After I get insight into who lives there and what they want from their life.
Quite often in décor magazines, coffee table books or on social media, I read descriptions like ‘feel inspired’, ‘create joy’, ‘get energized’. Sometimes I even write posts on these topics myself and these are all great, but we don’t feel inspired, joyful or energized all the time so what do we do with the rest; the anger, the sadness, or the fear that we also feel within our homes and ourselves? How does that get recognized and seen? How does that get reflected in the spaces that make up our lives?
When I ask the question ‘how does this space currently make you feel?’, often I will get answers like, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious. Some will even close the door and avoid the space all together. So, what happens with those experiences that aren’t pretty enough for a magazine spread?
Emotional maturity is defined as being able to experience the full spectrum of human emotion. This includes feeling and expressing the emotions that we are conditioned not to feel and to hide away. But we were given those emotions too, as information to tell us where we’re at and where we can heal. Often, we ignore fear, anger, grief, shame, sadness, etc. and file them away, shut them down and stuff them to the bottom of ourselves; we metaphorically shut the door, avoid and try to move on.
Part of using space in my therapy is to help clients identify with the emotions that they’ve been conditioned to think are negative or bad. The ones that don’t get highlighted in blog posts or DIY articles. The ones that aren’t pretty to look at or be on display for others. But they are there, we all feel them and when we learn to identify them, we can bring them to the surface, release them from the body and begin to process them. Then we can really move on in a healthy way.
When I’m sitting in a room with someone and they can tell me how they experience the space, they are identifying their feelings and emotions and putting a name to it. Now we can start. Everyone has parts of themselves that need healing and our homes can provide a safe space for us to do this hard work. Our homes don’t just hold the happy stuff, they hold the real stuff of real life and real people. Our homes are incredibly powerful and when we allow them to support us in our process of life, they become a learning tool into ourselves. When we know how we feel, we can better communicate what we need and all this can be found within the walls that we live.
Next time you walk into a room ask yourself, ‘how does this space make me feel?’ and really pay attention to yourself and what your feeling. Name it out loud, allow yourself to feel it and then you can let it go. This is feeling our emotions. This is healing and it’s very rewarding to go inside ourselves and see what’s really there and who we really are.
My true passion lies in teaching this process and supporting your healing journey. Let me know how I can help.
Live well,
Cher
