Acceptance: be in the embrace of what is without resistance.
As a designer and therapist it is literally my job to keep things, spaces and people moving forward. Inspired, lively, full of life; both with the people I work with and the spaces I design.
However sometimes, some things, and most certainly all people, don’t need to be fixed. Sometimes, most times, nothing is even broken. Yet we race to solve the problem, come up with a solution, to FIX IT. This chase can be exhausting and constantly leaves us reaching.
The reach. That strive. The hoping that once you ______________, you’ll be happy. That feeling of wanting something outside of yourself in hopes that it will fill you up. I’ve been there. And it’s exhausting. And it’s not the answer.
Acceptance might be though. In our lives, our relationships and our spaces. Sometimes it’s the perspective that needs changing, not the job/the partner/the furniture.
Instead, what about embracing where we are now? Who we are now? What we have now?
It is so tempting to get caught up in the newest trends both design wise and when it comes to personal development. There is no shortage of either and sometimes even with good intention, it can leave us feeling inadequate, behind everyone else and simply just not good enough.
But we can change this dynamic by simply accepting. That where we are and who we are and what we have right now in this moment is more than good enough, it’s everything. It’s everything we ever could have imagined at some point in our lives. When I truly take a moment to reflect, there were days that I would have hoped for who I am and what I have now. Yet sometimes playing ‘fix it’ with my life causes me to lose sight of this and forget to be grateful and accepting of exactly where I am right now.
Our spaces are no different. We don’t need big expensive renovations or perfect Instagram homes to feel worthy. Our homes are representations of ourselves and our families and our values and beliefs, not to be measured up against Style at Home magazines.
Finding acceptance for the old furniture, the creaks in the house, the less than perfect paint colour is the real work. Designing in a way that accepts and honours people where they are now with what they have now is the most special part of what I do. As a coach and counsellor, the first thing we were taught was to meet the client where they are at – I apply this same principle to my designs.
It’s tempting to want to throw out everything and start over both in life and in design; yet I encourage you to embrace what you have now and who you are now instead of trying to change everything all at once. Acceptance can be such a gift and we can apply it not only in our mental and emotional spaces but also in our physical ones.
5 Ways to Embrace Your Space
TIDY UP – this doesn’t necessarily mean throwing things out, but finding a home for each of your possessions respects not only the item but also your space. When we have a lot of items in a space it takes up energy to process; even unconsciously. Think running browser windows on your computer – one is so small that it doesn’t make a difference but 15 all added up together is a strain on our connection, aka: energy. Same goes when we have to process items in a space. The less to look at, the less energy we need to process it all.
CLEAN UP – a messy, dirty space is not somewhere life gets juicy and exciting. Dedicate one day to cleaning the house top to bottom and benefit for the rest of the month. Living in a clean, clutter-free home allows space for inspiration and new ideas. It also creates the opportunity for new behaviours and ways of living. Healthy space, healthy mind, healthy body, healthy life.
LIGHTEN UP – sometimes just changing the light in a space can add new life. Open shades and windows, add in some lamps or change the overhead lights to something gentler. Light can have a major impact on our moods and energy levels. Getting as much natural light as possible and then supplementing when necessary with options that suit our needs. Natural light for our homes in the day time, lamps on our desk instead of artificial overhead commercial lighting, blue light glasses for working on electronics, red light therapy for wellness and sleep. Using light to our advantage and as a healing tool instead of letting it drain us can go a long way for how we feel in a space.
CHANGE IT UP – no need to replace everything in the room; just swapping out a few items as the seasons change can keep things fresh and prevent you from getting bored. Throw pillows, blankets, small décor items are inexpensive ways to change things up. A few hacks to keep the budget in tack and the storage to a minimum: buy pieces that are transitional and timeless; leave the themed and plastic junk at the store; invest in one or two quality pieces instead of a whole bunch of cheaper ones. Less is always more. And just that; sometimes removing items and not replacing them is actually what can freshen up a space. Not every surface needs to be a vignette.
SPICE IT UP – consider the actual activities and past times that take place in the space. When we put this at the forefront of our design, we value not what the space has in it but what the space does for us. If your family room is feeling drab and old, consider what activities you have been doing in that room and how it is serving your family. Are you watching TV all night and not talking? Are you eating dinner in there mindlessly and not embracing that precious time together? Sometimes it’s not the room that leaves us feeling uninspired but what we are doing in the room that has the impact. Do you like eating in the family room instead of at the table? Cool, just make it intentional. Throw a picnic, add in some conversation topics or ways to connect while doing that. Soon it won’t matter what colour the walls are or if the couches match, you’ll be having way too much fun enjoying each other’s company.
Sometimes we can make big shifts with small changes. Using our spaces to lift us up, fill us and support us instead of keeping us down, exhausting us or using them as tools to measure against others. Finding acceptance for the space and things you have now; most importantly, who you now, is the working project. We can definitely learn, grow and expand but we must remember that we are always enough just as we are.
Live well,
Cher
